Morning BS: The Traveller’s Almanac: Springfield

A look at the simple life of cartooned Americans and a chance to see the world’s most famous family – Springfield is perfect for your family’s trans-dimensional holiday.


Springfield


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The town of Springfield is located somewhere in Middle America. No one is quite sure where but your trans-dimensional warp gun will be able to easily locate it due to a high level of radiation produced by the town’s power plant. The town is a sprawling, almost city-sized, urban area that appears to transform to satisfy the needs of the populations day to day antics. You will find large museums and town halls unlike anywhere else in America and also a high proportion of celebrities walking the streets in cartoon form. Ideal if you’re looking for a quick selfie, although that too will come out in animated form.


Locals


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The townsfolk of Springfield are fairly similar to your average America in temperament and mannerisms. However they are yellow and animated, which means they can often be involved in wilder antics that, as an organic traveller, you should attempt to avoid. Many locals can only be seen on rare occasions, such as the lovable mob boss Fat Tony, due to clashes in their voice actors scheduling.


Blending In


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You’re going to need to set your image inducer to the ‘animated’ and ‘yellow-bellied’ setting to blend into Springfield. After that there’s little else that you need to do except remember that you are not animated and so are susceptible to death and dismemberment unlike the Springfield population.


Package Deals


We offer two package deals that include visits to Springfield:

The ‘Animated America’ Package:

  • Visit South Park, the Hill Residence and Quahog in a fantastic tour of America’s animated hotspots.
  • Go hunting for Blinky the three-eyed fish.
  • Meet and greet with Brian and Stewie.
  • Great choice for any TV buff.

The Springfield Chilli Festival Experience

  • Visit the world famous Springfield Chilli Festival
  • Try chillies inspired by some of your favourite Springfield characters.
  • Go on a vision quest to learn about the real you.
  • Perfect choice for those who wish to push their mind and body

Would you take this trip or would you want another package? Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

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bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn

Morning BS: Why read Max Landis’ Superman: American Alien In 250 words or less

The genius visionary behind Chronicle, American Ultra and Victor Frankenstein hits the world of comics with one of the greatest Superman books of all time and you need to read it!

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While Superman might be one of the most Iconic superheroes of all time he isn’t particularly liked by a large portion of the comic book fandom. I mean, why choose Superman’s vanilla when you can have Green Lantern’s mint choc chip, right? It’s tough to write a Superman book at the best of times and normally it ends up being a played out battle between Superman and Lex or another alien threat, but occasionally a writer comes along and turns the man of steel on his head. Last year, Max Landis did just that.

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Landis tracks Clark Kent’s growth from a young boy all the way through to manhood. We see the evolution of Superman across seven issues which include tonnes of extra short stories and single panel pieces that Landis has incorporated to create a full picture of the Man Of Steel. It’s a story of moral and physical evolution that keeps interesting and light hearted for the average reader while also throwing in tonnes of stuff that long term Superman fans will love. If you only read one Superman story make it this one.

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I’ve got a few words left so I’ll just say this: Boyhood meets the best Man of Steel has to offer…what more could you want?

You can pick American Alien up for £12.99 digitally through the DC Comics app or in graphic novel form for £12.51 from Amazon

Have you read American Alien or are planning to? Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

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bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn

Morning BS: Black Widow’s Patrol Playlist

When the world’s greatest Shield agent needs to work out, fight or unwind she’s going to need one hell of a playlist, luckily your humble Sleuth has some recommendations.

Natasha Romanov is one hell of a shield agent, possibly the greatest of all time and she fights alongside the likes of gods and super humans a member of the Avengers. Thats a lot of stress. Doctor BearSleuth has a simple prescription though, simply cut loose and rock out. I reckon with these three playlists miss Romanov could rule the world:

 


S.H.I.E.L.D Work Out


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When you’re training to fight alongside Iron Man and the Hulk this is the only playlist you need.

  • Black Widow – Iggy Azalea
  • 212 – Azealia Banks
  • Ignorance – Paramore
  • Just A Girl – No Doubt
  • Heartbreaker – Pat Benatar
  • Barracuda – Joan Jett
  • That’s Not My Name – The Ting Tings
  • Remedy – Little Boots
  • Edge Of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks

Give it a listen here!


Undercover Ninja Mixtape


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Who said that stealth work couldn’t have an awesome soundtrack? With this Soundtrack you’ll be ready for anything behind enemy lines.

  • Switchblade Smiles – Kasabian
  • Prayer Of The Refugee – Rise Against
  • Watercolour – Pendulum
  • Invaders Must Die – The Prodigy
  • Galvanize – The Chemical Brothers
  • Weapon Of Choice (feat. Boots Collins) – Fatboy Slim
  • Joker And The Thief – Wolfmother
  • Sabotage – Cancer Bats
  • Blue Orchid – The White Stripes
  • Enter Sandman – Metallica

Give it a listen here!


Emotional Cleansing


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Everybody hurts and Natasha is no different. She might seem like an ice queen in the field but behind closed doors even she has to blow off some steam.

  • Prayin’ – Plan B
  • Hurt – Johnny Cash
  • Creep – Radiohead
  • Why Does It Always Rain On Me – Travis
  • Dakota – Stereophonics
  • This Is The Last Time – Keane
  • I Miss You – Blink 182
  • Sweet Disposition – The Temper Trap
  • Champagne Supernova – Oasis
  • Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

Give it a listen here!

Do you agree?  What tracks would you add or remove for Black Widows’s playlist? Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: @BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuth

Written By: The BearSleuth

 

Morning BS: Why read Tom King’s Vision: Little Worse Than A Man In 250 words or less

Vision is possibly one of the strongest Avengers with abilities matching Thor or Hulk so what happens when the synthetic superhero wants to start a family?

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There have been a few attempts over the years to give the Vision a solo book and each have been met with low to middling success. This has mostly been due to the fact that he’s a little too perfect. A robot with the ability to change his body density and access many other powers on top of that is pretty muchl unstoppable. When the duties of revisiting Vision fell to rising star Tom King, who went from this to writing Batman, there was one direction no one had ever conceived for the automatous Avenger…Vision the soap opera.

These first six issues see Vision create a family including a Wife, Son, Daughter and Dog. In the first issue we see the kids go off to school, Vision heads off to help the President on normal Avengers business and Vision’s wife murders a super villain. The story then becomes a twisted commentary on suburban lifestyle and the family unit all told through Tom King’s brilliant style which pulls in references to classic literature and comic books.

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I’ve got a few words left so I’ll just say this: I, Robot meets Fuller House…what more could you want?

You can pick Little Worse Than A Man up for £13.49 digitally through the Marvel Comics app or in graphic novel form for £14.99 from Amazon

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Have you read Little Worse Than A Man or are planning to? Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn

 

Art Must Cross Borders That Politicians Close

Hey there. If this is the first column of mine you’ve read, welcome. If you were one of the people who followed the Bearsleuth team last summer, welcome back. Glad to be doing this again.

It’s awards season in Hollywood once again and the shortlists for the Oscars have been released. Originally, this article was supposed to be mainly about that, but recent events have pushed these things very far into the back of my mind.

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What’s really pressing on my mind right now is that director Asghar Farhadi, whose film The Salesman has been nominated for the Best Foreign Language Film category, will not be attending the event. This is because Mr. Farhadi is Iranian, one of the nationalities that, at time of writing, have been barred from entering the USA by the Trump administration under seemingly any circumstance. It has been suggested (though far from confirmed) that special dispensation could have been made for Mr. Farhadi. Whether those rumours are founded, he has declined to attend anyway as he feels allowances being made for him as an individual are hardly the point in the face of a much greater, nonsensical injustice.

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To be clear, my anger and shock extend farther than the treatment of Mr. Farhadi personally, as it would seem does his own. I have chosen to focus on him because: A) he provides a link between the currently dominant news-cycle and the world that I am used to commenting on in these articles; B) I need to tether myself to something specific right now so this article doesn’t just devolve into incoherent screaming; and C) banning an artist from entering your country when he has neither done nor been accused of doing anything wrong is one step away from banning the art itself.

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Hollywood is a realm of incredible privilege. You won’t hear me denying that; and yes, the preening stars of the red carpet may be not-unfairly seen as flawed idols in a fight against the injustices committed by the faeces-hurling gibbon and his oversized suit. They seem to be so shielded from injustice themselves, after all. However, they are not immune from attacks by those in power and we should all have reason to fear it. The people making acceptance speeches on podia across America this month all know how to make their voices heard in the back. The squatting, alt-right bloggers in the White House know this and recognise it as a threat. That is why ‘Hollywood Liberals’, along with the rest of the media, have become a prime target for their propaganda.

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I can’t help but see the treatment of Mr. Farhadi as a dark tiding of things to come in regards to the effect of politics on the arts. It’s true enough that not being able to attend an advertising convention for very rich people is far from the worst individual injustice inflicted by that sagging ape’s Executive Orders. I’m sure this won’t be the only time he will be mentioned here, as he continues to act like the bull to the US Constitution’s china shop. Nevertheless, it matters, and it matters that we fight it.

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I hope that on Oscar night, every acceptance speech mentions Asghar Farhadi by name and the Dorito-hued Duterte not once. I also implore everyone reading this to get out and see The Salesman if they can; not because it’s good but because it will be an act of objective good to make Asghar Farhadi a household name in America without him ever having to set foot there. Solidarity matters; and resistance to the, hopefully short, reign of the clammy stench of white-nationalism currently impregnating the White House can take many forms.

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When politics seek to regress and when politicians seek to isolate us from each other, art can always seek to render their barriers meaningless. Through it, those who believe in reaching across cultural divides will continue to do so, regardless of the physical barriers put in our way by those undeserving in authority. If their ego requires them to wall themselves off from a world that is bigger than them, a world full of knowledge and experience that they cannot or do not care to know, then on their own heads be it. They will be left behind to wallow in the stagnation they cultivate for themselves. They can tell us what to do, but not what to think, and art will help us keep thinking.

But hey, that’s just my opinion, what’s yours?

Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuthWritten by: David Sayers

Edited by: Ivy Miller

Morning BS: Old Man Logan vs Lego Batman

A world weary Wolverine throws down with a re-buildable Batman but when both fighters can heal from any wound who will emerge victorious?


In the Blue Corner: Old Man Logan


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Possibly the most well-known incarnation of the world most dangerous Canadian, Old Man Logan is Wolverine after he’s been mentally broken and tricked into killing all of the X-Men. This pushes him to the point where he rarely uses his claws and is much more vicious. His healing factor might be a little slower but he is still an unstoppable killing machine, easily capable of taking on the likes of the Hulk. However, Logan is also vulnerable to psychological tactics. Logan can also cut through plastic which may be useful in Lego vs mutant combat.


In the Red Corner: Lego Batman


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This might sound like an odd choice but it’s actually a pretty clever match up. Lego Batman is able to rebuild himself and quickly build additional pieces of technology out of his environment. This makes him a fearsome foe against Logan. He would be able to easily build reminders of Logan’s past and the X-Men he killed to confuse and disorientate the marvellous mutant. As long as he and Logan are the same size, and for arguments sake let’s say they are, it’s going to be a long fight.


Battleground: Hogwarts Express


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Narrow corridors and a murderous trolley lady make this a unique battle area. It presents a greater advantage to Logan as Lego Batman made find it difficult to mover given his proportions. However Lego Batman is capable of building helpful tools from his surroundings so it is possible that he could construct some way of incapacitating Logan, although cannibalising the Hogwarts Express could raise the ire of the trolley lady.


Winner: Old Man Logan


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With a distinct lack of Ignore to hand it seems like Logan is easily going to win this fight, even if Lego Batman manages to employ psychological warfare and create a mode of incapacitation there is nothing to hand that Logan can’t slash his way through and eventually he will cut Lego Batman to shreds, which will be a little harder to rebuild.

Do you agree?

Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn

 

Morning BS: 5 Reasons Why You Wouldn’t want to be Captain America

Steve Rodgers is a buff patriotic paragon but would you really want to wield his shield?

  1. The Weight Of A Nation

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Being Captain America is a big responsibility, the biggest responsibility in fact. When you wear the flag you represent America. Could you bear that responsibility?

  1. The Iron Nail

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When every other Avenger falls Captain America is the last one standing. Refusing to give in against any threat. That means you’d have to take more punishment than Thor and still stand with pure willpower. Steve has tanked hits from the best and kept on fighting but it’s cost him…

  1. “It Appears To Run On Some Form Of Electricity”

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Steve is a man from the past. A past with a lot less technology and lot more Nazis. If you were Captain America that means no iPads or Internet. Unfortunately you’d be more like a fussy grandpa asking is IM is a new form of STD.

  1. How much do you trust shady German Scientists?

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Like most steroids, no one knows the long term effect of super hero serum. This has come up a few times in the comics but never fully explored. It’s entirely possible for the serum to suddenly kill you. You’d have to live with that in your body permanently.

  1. You can never…ever…get krunk

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Captain America processes alcohol at a fantastic speed so he never gets drunk. It’s even been established that he can drink gods under the table. So you’ll always be the designated driver, if that doesn’t put you off I’m not sure what will.

So that’s the price to pay for being Captain America…would you still take the job?

Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn

Edited by: Ivy Miller

 

Morning BS: Constantine vs Doctor Strange

There is no more fantastical fight than when two mystics go to war but who would win in a battle between the Sorcerer Supreme and the Hellblazer?


In the Blue Corner: Doctor Strange


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First things first, for the sake of balance I’m going to focus on Stephan Strange as he appeared at the start of Marvel’s All-New All-Different line-up. Strange is still the sorcerer supreme but without the God-like powers he had in his early day. The thing about Strange fighting another wizard is that he is the mystical equivalent of the Hulk with the training of a great martial artist, this means he’s strong, smart and tough to defeat. In open warfare, or his Sanctum, I’m confident Strange would take home the win with his combination of powerful combination of spells and artefacts.


In the Red Corner: John Constantine


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There is a reason John Constantine is called the Hellblazer and it’s because he’s not afraid to play dirty. The roguish Brit has brought down much greater Mystics with a combination of deception and trickery. While I believe Doctor Strange would easily over power Constantine face-to-face, if Constantine could prepare and put together some form of deception, that may involve dealing with other forces in the Marvel or DC Universe, I think he could probably incapacitate if not kill the sorcerer.


Battleground: Days of Future Past


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Fighting in the ruins of America after the defeat of most heroes at the hands of the sentinels, I feel like Strange has a distinct advantage. This is still his home plain and while his Sanctum might be destroyed he still has the lay of the land. Constantine would be on the run here but that is where he operates at his best. There is an outside chance that he could find a way to turn the situation to his advantage, possibly by convincing the sentinels that strange is a mutant.


Winner: Doctor Strange


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While I believe Constantine could get a win with some form of deception nine times out of ten Strange is going to blast him across multiple dimensions within the first few seconds of combat. On the Sorcerer Supremes home plain of existence he is always going to have an advantage and I’m afraid John is going to be pushed to breaking point.

Do you agree? Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn

 

 

Covert Coot – Jack’s Back: Samurai Jack

The Return of Samurai Jack

It’s finally here, the trailer for Samurai Jack’s fifth and final season.

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What is Samurai Jack?

Samurai Jack was created by Genndy Tartakovsky and debuted on Cartoon Network in August 2001 and ran until 2004. Each episode follows the samurai as he wakes up in a dystopian future. The samurai has to solve and overcome problems using not only his training, but his creativity in order to defeat the evil Aku and return to the past.

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Samurai Jack received critical acclaim for it’s minimalist art and fluid animal, reinforced with each episode following a simple structure and having a short running time, allowing more focus on action. The story features very little dialogue and chooses to show not tell. This is uncommon for shows on Cartoon Network, especially at the time the show originally aired.

 

 

Samurai Jack season 5 returns 11th March

Written by: Robb Davis

Morning BS: The Traveller’s Almanac: The Shire And Hobbiton

If you’re looking for a laid back holiday this year, and have access to a trans-dimensional portal, consider visiting Hobbiton

Hobbiton


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Resting in the heart of the Shire, Hobbiton is a beautiful rural gem. The locals have a knack for building burrow-like dwellings that have left the area looking untouched, even with a relatively large population, so this is a must destination for the ecologically conscious out there. The landscape is also peppered with many breweries, taverns and pipe weed merchants, making this an idyllic location for some comfortable rest and relaxation.

Locals


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The short and stout locals of Hobbiton at known as Hobbits, they are very friendly to one and other but can be very suspicious of strangers. Past times mostly include a knack for gardening and the indulgence of their various vices, most notably the pipe weed known as ‘Old Toby’ and ‘Longbottom Leaf’. Hobbits are characterized by their family lineages so it’s common for many members of the same family to act similarly.

Blending In


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As a trans-dimensional traveller, blending into Hobbiton is going to be difficult. My best advice is to create a portal slightly outside the town and then use an image inducer to take the form of a small Hobbit. When asked by the locals where you’re from just say ‘Bree’ and keep talking about an Inn call ‘The Prancing Pony’ until they get bored and you can walk away.

Package Deals


We offer two package deals that include visits to Hobbiton:


The ‘Business With The Dragon’ Package:


  • Visit key locations in from ‘The Hobbit’ including the Shire, Esgaroth, Rivendell and the Misty Mountain itself.
  • Meet and greet the descendants of the key characters.
  • Survive a night in the wilderness of Mirkwood
  • Perfect adventure holiday for the weary traveller

Merry and Pippin’s Pipe Weed Riverboat


  • Visit many Pipe merchants and Taverns across the Shire as you take a long boat down a river running right through the heart of Hobbiton.
  • Meet Merry and Pippin as they give a short talk on the history of Hobbit Leaf.
  • Guaranteed fantastic weather.
  • Idyllic rest and relaxation for all.

Would you take this trip or would you want another package? Let me know in the comment section down below, on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Beartrails/ or on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/BearTrails

Also if you want daily BS remember to sign up for emails or follow with your WordPress account.

bearsleuthWritten by: Patrick Lunn